Rollo and Corset: A Hogwarts Production
by moonsauce
Summary: Draco's cousin is back from the mental asylm, and she's teaching at Hogwarts! Dumbledore has employed her to put on her own verison of Romeo and Juliet. DMHG Soon, the seventh year students discover something strange is happening to the leads...
1. Chapter 1

Yo, dudes! The Cheese Myster is in the HOUSE! Oh my, I believe that is not a good thing….hehe. Welcome to my strange world of fan fiction! Dude, this is like so kool. I ROCK MY WORLD! WOO! Whoa….yikes.

**Disclaimer: **Ask the aliens! They did it!

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**Rollo and Corset: A Hogwarts Production**

Chapter One

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"Noooooooo! My life is ruined!"

"Draco, you're overreacting!" Narcissa yelled over her son's incessant wailing.

"I gonna die! DIE! I can see them even now, the claws of death….hovering…NOOO!" Draco Malfoy was overreacting.

"I believe that Theatre is an excellent and very necessary subject that your cousin is very capable of teaching!" Narcissa hadn't suspected her son to be so….childish.

"My cousin is a loony! I'll die! Ahh….the claws….I see them."

"Draco, do you want to eat the soap supply again?" Draco went silent. Last time he had had that punishment…it had been horrifying, all those bubbles……Draco had developed early on a deep-seated fear of bubbles and soap of any kind.

"No," Draco shivered.

"Then you _will _be kind to Printa, your cousin, and you _will_ go to her class!" Narcissa was losing her patience.

The seventh year blonde went silent; he was as white as a sheet. "I see dead people…"

"That's it! Wrinkles, get the soap!" Narcissa yelled at the cruelly named house elf as she pulled her son along by the wrist to the kitchen.

"NOO! Not the bubbles!" Draco clawed at her mother's strong arms, trying to break free. "EEK! Help! Bubbles are eeevvviilll!"

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A/N: Short, yes, I know. Sorry, the next chapter will be _way _longer….I promise. I just had to end it here….ooooh, the irony. My little friend Nicky-the-ten-foot-tall-secret-leprecon says I'm strange and perverted. DUH! Hehe…expect the next chapter in a day or two.


	2. The Much, Much Longer Second Chapter

Hi! Here lies the next chapter of Rollo and Corset! Yay! This story actually has more of a plot than you think….and incase you haven't guessed, it's a DM+HG! Well, duh….

**Disclaimer: **Nicky-the-ten-foot-tall-secret-leprecon says I now own Harry Potter! And little Nicky always speaks the truth…..

Without further ado, I will now bring to you the much, much longer Rollo and Corset Chapter 2!

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**Rollo and Corset: A Hogwarts Production**

The Much, Much Longer Second Chapter

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"Rollo and Corset? What a peculiar name!"

"Yes, Mr. Dumblydore, Rollo and Corset; I plan to make it mandatory for the seventh years, the performance will be here at Hogglywarts somewhere in the spring," Printa Malfoy sat in Dumbledore's office while the headmaster read her script.

"Good," Dumbledore handed the script back to the new professor at his school, "it reminds me very much of the Muggle play, Romeo and Juliet."

"What? This is my original work!" Printa hissed at the headmaster as she headed toward the door to go to breakfast. No, seriously, she literally _hissed. _She sounded much like a dieing snake.

"I'll join you in a moment."

"SSSSsssssssss!" After hissing weakly for the last time, Printa left.

"How peculiar!" exclaimed one of the older paintings on Dumbledore's wall.

"Hmm, I agree," Dumbledore replied with a smile as he left the office to go to the first breakfast of the year.

"Your _cousin _is teaching _here?"_

"Yes, for the last time, Pansy, my loony cousin is teaching theatre at Hogwarts. Do you really have to rub it in _that _much?" Draco had been saying these words all morning.

"YES! MWAHHAHAHAAAHA!" Pansy ran off failing her long, bony arms to tell the school about Draco's crazy cousin.

"Damn woman…"

"Hermione! Guess what?" Neville sat down in the seat next to her and started gobbling down the French toast in front of him.

"What is it, Neville?" Hermione replied automatically as she read the Daily Prophet.

"There's a new subject! We have to go too, it's mandatory," the pudgy seventh year said after swallowing another piece of toast.

"What! New subject?"

"Yeah! It's-"

"Theatre!" Ron yelled loudly as he and Harry came to the table, "I have to go to a bloody theatre class!"

"Well, it wouldn't be _that _bad," Harry put in dreamily as he sat down at the table.

"HARRY! You turncoat; you were saying just this morning how horrible it was!" Ron snapped accusingly at his friend.

"I was? Oops…umm, yeah! It horrid, I not going!" Ronald, Hermione, Neville, and the Gryffindors around them stared at the Golden Boy-Who-Lived.

"Umm, Harry? Are you-" Ron was cut off when the headmaster and the collection of professors started banging on their glasses for quiet.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, gather around-OUCH!" Dumbledore winced as one of his professors jabbed him in the stomach. "Fine! I just thought that I should have a new opening speech for once! I'm just not appreciated as much as I used to be!"

"Dumbledore, please," Professor McGonagall pleaded.

"Okay, lemon lips," the professors snickered at the ludicrous pet name, "Students of Hogwarts! As many of you have already heard, there is a new subject for the seventh years!" Gasp! "Do you want to know what it is? Hmm?"

"YES!" the school population exclaimed in unison.

"Do you? Then, the new subject is-"

"Theatre!" the blob of rags at the table yelled.

"Thank you, my dear Printa!" Dumbledore said cheerily, "It will be taught by none other than-"

"Printa Gangle Malfoy, at your service!" the blob of rags seated next to the headmaster stood up to show that it was actually a woman. Her hair was matted with dirt and covered with large, vertical knots. "I will be teaching the new subject!" Gasp! The new, strange-looking teacher did a jumping, wiggling dance to express her enthusiasm. The students were in a stunned silence.

Some of the teachers started to clap, soon, the students followed suit.

"The first class is in the new Theatre wing after breakfast, all of the seventh years will have to attend. Your schedules have been cleared to allow this," Professor McGonagall announced after the school had calmed down.

"Hey, wait, she's Malfoy, and your Malfoy…..is she your wife?" Crabbe was investigating the situation; he was very close to a breakthrough.

"NO! For the last time, Printa is my CRAZY COUSIN! She is NOT my wife!" Draco shivered at the thought as they scuttled very, very slowly to Printa Malfoy's new class.

"Huh? Goyle was also very close to a breakthrough in this mystery, "I didn't know you had a cousin!"

"I forgot about her, she's been shut away at a Muggle mental asylum ever since I was two! Somehow, that senile headmaster of ours got her out."

"Dude…..I get it! She's your aunt from Transylvania!"

Draco and the silent Blaise smacked their palms to their foreheads in exasperation.

"You're hopeless!"

"Or is she you father's second wife?" Crabbe asked.

"What! You son of a- come here!"

"Malfoy? Do you think she's of any relation to the ferret?" Hermione asked.

"Maybe, but did you see her? She is completely and totally loony!" Ron laughed as he remembered the strange dance the new professor had made up.

"She didn't seem that bad…" Harry put in quietly.

"Harry? You okay?" Ronald Weasly tapped on his friend's head, there was a hollow sound. "Whoa…"

"I'm fine…" I mid-sentence, Harry Potter passed out. A second later, he woke up again. "Let's go to class!"

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A/N: That wasn't very funny, but I had to put in this chapter to move the story along. The next chapter will include Professor Malfoy's first lesson! Yay! I promise, I'll update really quickly!


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